


we did it all majestically in the dark.

by courage_of_stars



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series), The Try Guys (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF, Watcher Entertainment, Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Falling In Love, Families of Choice, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pining, Romance, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26923528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courage_of_stars/pseuds/courage_of_stars
Summary: It's Shane that reaches for Ryan's hand first.
Relationships: Andrew Ilnyckyj/Steven Lim, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Zach Kornfeld/Eugene Lee Yang
Comments: 14
Kudos: 111





	we did it all majestically in the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: anxiety, mental health
> 
> **Please do not share this with Buzzfeed Unsolved, Watcher, Worth It, The Try Guys, or any other RPF individuals. This is not for them to read. Thank you!

Each intake of air sounds strained even to Ryan's ears. Oxygen is anything, but kind. It catches fire the second air rushes past aching teeth. An act natural as breathing suddenly grows arduous. Metal debris, glass fragments, and rusted shrapnel scratch at the inside of Ryan's throat. His mouth floods with an acerbic aftertaste.

It's Shane that reaches for Ryan's hand first.

The touch catches Ryan off guard. Not because it's abrupt and jolting. But because of how those fingers brush with surprising care. Even with gentleness. If anyone else touches Ryan right now, he'll instinctively pull his hand back. Unexpected contact burns like grazing a lit stove. Maybe the alarm will be so severe that Ryan accidentally throws himself into the wall.

But Ryan doesn't draw his hand away from Shane. While fear and anxiety wage war against each other in Ryan's chest, there's a small flicker of...hope? At least, that's what Ryan thinks about calling it. Somedays, hope paints scintillated comet trails like sparklers during summer nights. Other times, hope blinks erratically as neon signs humming otherworldly lullabies. In this moment, hope kindles like stoking a bonfire on the brink of extinguishing.

Ryan lets out an exhale that wavers subtly. The yearning to lace his fingers with Shane's grows into an impulse that's almost impossible to deny. It takes a great deal of willpower to keep his hand still.

Together, the Ghoul Boys venture through an underground tunnel. This supposedly haunted path seems to have no end. With its winding curves, and abrupt sharp turns, the tunnel feels pulled right out of an M.C. Escher illustration. It's constructed in a manner where the tunnel's narrow and cramped. Ryan and Shane nudge into each other often. Shoulders and elbows bump without warning. At one point, Shane's flashlight jabs into Ryan's side.

Maybe Shane doesn't mean for their hands to brush.

Maybe Ryan should keep that hope simmering as quiet cinders.

It's not uncommon for Ryan to ramble during these paranormal expeditions. When he listens back on the audio during editing, Ryan hears some of his words for the first time. Right now, Ryan doesn't even know what the Hell he's saying. Or if any of it's even close to coherent.

Shane's hand grazes his again.

The white noise roaring in Ryan's ears dies down a little. A few more steps forward. Finally, he's reunited with the sound of his own voice.

"--and god _damnit._ Now, I know why I'm so fucking freaked out."

The brilliant, white beam of Shane's flashlight falls below Ryan's shoulders. "Why?"

Ryan stares right at the camera with a dry, no-nonsense deadpan. He may as well be in The Office. "Before this trip, Andrew and Eugene had us marathon Grave Encounters." With his gaze still on the lens, Ryan narrows his eyes accusingly. "All in one night."

Shane barks out a laugh. The rich, bright sound echoes in the desolate space. Shane's laughter warms up the cold atmosphere. "Really, dude? You're still worked up over that? Those films were entertaining as Hell." Grinning broadly, Shane shakes his head. "What a fucking comedy, man. My stomach hurt from laughing so damned much."

"There's god awful, horrifying _tunnels_ in one of 'em!" In growing hysteria, Ryan picks up the pace. When his anxiety skyrockets, it tends to rear its head as bristling agitation. "Or maybe both movies. _Fuck!_ I can't remember." Ryan's performing an one-man light show by flailing the flashlight around. White lines cut through the darkness in abstract angles. "And it's one of those found footage movies. They're even doing a ghost hunting show! _Like us!_ "

Shane easily keeps up the pace with Ryan. It's not his first rodeo when accompanying Ryan during a meltdown. "If only our adventures came anywhere close to those movies," Shane muses with a wistful sigh. "What I'd give for-- well, y'know-" He shrugs a shoulder. "Some actual, _real_ paranormal shit to happen." While pausing, Shane levels Ryan with a steady stare. "But it's _not_ gonna happen, because _none it's real,_ Ryan."

"Fuck you, Shane."

Ryan's just about to careen off into another bout of terror. But his heart halts when Shane's hand brushes against his again. Rather than overthinking it, Ryan takes a leap of faith. Or maybe it's sheer recklessness while breaking under pressure. Ryan slides his hand into Shane's, and intertwines their fingers together. 

Shane holds Ryan's hand back.

The invisible beast born from terror and panic slowly falls asleep. Ryan lets out a breath he didn't know was being held in. He chances a glance at Shane. The taller man keeps his eyes ahead. Ryan thinks he catches a bit of warmth in the browns. Or maybe it's the trick of the light. As Ryan looks onwards, he nervously squeezes Shane's hand. Shane holds on tighter.

They fall in stride with each other. Pale, white rays of their flashlights lead the way. Shane's thumb runs over the back of Ryan's hand. The calloused pad strokes over one knuckle after the other. With each caress, the storm of fear calms down to smaller ripples. The alleviated dread eases tension out of Ryan's body.

"Will it make you feel better if we murder Andrew and Eugene in Sims?" Shane offers with a grin. A glimpse of something devious flickers in his eyes. The gleam hints at how Shane's quite serious. "Or I can brainstorm other non-lethal, yet highly satisfying methods of retaliation." He gestures with the flashlight waving around.

"Maybe," Ryan huffs. There's some grumbling towards the end. Dark brows knit into a scowl. While Shane's practically waltzing down the tunnel, Ryan's stomping up a storm.

"Or we can ask the demons here to go rattle them up a bit?" Now, Shane's absolutely beaming. "It'll come with the bonus of that evidence you want so badly."

Ryan halts abruptly. _"No!"_ The shout reverberates stridently around them. Wide brown eyes look up at Shane. "I'm fucking pissed off at them, but--" Heaving a deep sigh, Ryan's eyes fall downcast. "They're still our friends. I don't want them to go through being haunted or whatever." With fiercely lit determination, Ryan tilts his gaze back up to Shane. "And we're gonna get evidence _without_ hurting anyone."

In silence, Shane stares at Ryan. It goes on for a beat too long. Something weighs in the air between them. It's not ominous, cold and heavy like the atmosphere in this underground labyrinth. Instead the air's charged with a chemical reaction just waiting to happen.

Neither of them dare to put a name to it yet.

A small, amused smile surfaces on Shane's face. There may even be some fondness softening his eyes. But Ryan doesn't catch it in time as Shane looks back ahead.

"It's good that one of us has a heart of gold."

Ryan scoffs. It's a futile attempt to hide being flustered. "What about you?"

"Nah." Shane shrugs flippantly. It almost leans towards being self-deprecating when he chuckles. "All I got in me is a black void. Lost count of how many times I offered my heart to ghosts, demons and antique dolls."

"No way, dude." Ryan nudges Shane's chest with the flashlight. "You've still got a heart. And you think I'd actually let anything from Hell fuck you over?"

Shane stares.

Ryan's breath hitches from the rare vulnerability in those eyes. He may as well have just confessed to Shane. All of this is too dangerously close to crossing lines. But where are the lines anymore when they've been drawing them in the sand?

"Like I said--" Laughing, Shane's softer gaze looks into the distance. "Someone's got a heart of gold."

They keep walking. Volleying banter back-and-forth. Swears and laughter trail behind them.

Their hands don't let go.

* * *

**( sms: andrew )** That last BFU ep was 10/10

 **( sms: andrew )** Steven and I couldn't stop laughing

 **( sms: eugene )** Can Ryan star in Grave Encounters 3?

 **( sms: ryan )** Fuck you

 **( sms: ryan )** Both of you

 **( sms: shane )** Ryan can star in Grave Encounters after he's done shooting Blair Witch

 **( sms: ryan )** Fuck NO

 **( sms: ryan )** I haven't watched that and I refuse to

 **( sms: andrew )**?????????

 **( sms: andrew )** How have you not watched it? Unsolved's like a step away from being found footage

 **( sms: ryan )** That would require something happening to the team for the footage to be FOUND

 **( sms: eugene )** Should we make Ryan watch ALL the Blair Witch movies? lmao

 **( sms: shane )** Boys, I think I know what we're doing soon.

 **( sms: ryan )** NO, SHANE

 **( sms: shane )** May I request (1) kidnapping of Ryan Bergara?

 **( sms: eugene )** No prob. TTG broke into Ned's home.

 **( sms: eugene )** We'll get Ryan too :)

 **( sms: andrew )** Steven and I will take care of transportation.

_[ **ryan** has left the group chat ]_

_[ **shane** has added **ryan** to the group chat ]_

**( sms: ryan )** Shane fucking Madej, you goddamned jackass I'M NEVER GIVING YOU GOURMET POPCORN AGAIN

 **( sms: shane )** :D :D :D

 **( sms: andrew )** You guys want us to leave?

 **( sms: eugene )** Yeah, so y'all can flirt to your heart's content

 **( sms: ryan )** sskdjskljd

 **( sms: ryan )** NOBODY'S FLIRTING

 **( sms: shane )** Courting?

_[ **ryan** has left the group chat ]_

* * *

His heart pounds so fiercely that his ribcage aches. Each wild heartbeat is a sledgehammer to brittle bones. The next strike's more intense than the one before. Fear beats in tandem with anxiety. Ryan tries his best to fall asleep. But it's damned near impossible. Like an insidious poison, apprehension and dread corrode his veins. Ryan feels like he's being held hostage in his own body.

For a Halloween special, the Unsolved team is hitting three locations. Which means spending three consecutive nights at three fucking terrifying, haunted places. For the past two nights, Ryan hasn't slept. Pulling all-nighters isn't anything new after Hellish finals during college, and cram sessions at work. But those situations rarely involve being more than half scared to death. 

Ryan's too drained to even make decent commentary right now. The nightcam will mostly show a wide-eyed man that's struggling to breathe. Ryan doubts this kind of footage will even be enjoyed by Unsolved fans. Who likes watching someone struggling through an incoming panic attack?

Anxiety spikes even more at the thought of not doing his job well. What if this section of the shoot is too dull, too slow, or just not appropriate for the final edit? What if they don't end up with enough footage? What if Ryan disappoints the fans? What if Ryan lets the team down? What if Ryan fucked everything up? What if Unsolved is axed?

The invisible iron palm of anxiety slams down on Ryan's chest. No ghost or demon has tagged along during the travel back to LA. But there's a good chance Ryan will carry this fear with him once returning home. Sometimes, Ryan goes through restless nights while being frightened in his own apartment. The man wears dark circles that may not fade for days.

But Ryan's doing Unsolved Supernatural, because he genuinely loves paranormal investigations, and he's hungry to chase after the truth. He's only grown to love Unsolved even more, because of their kickass team, and their amazing audience. Ryan doesn't want to worry anyone. Not his co-workers. Not the fans. So, Ryan keeps the lack of sleep to himself.

It's the heavy, foreboding stillness of this location that proves to be most unnerving. Ryan's imagination runs wild. There's an overabundant database in Ryan's mind of everything he's researched and learned over the past several years. Also he's been binge watching Cold Case Files. The series dives deep into a multitude of highly detailed ways someone can be injured, kidnapped, murdered, etc.

But Ryan's not most afraid of what could happen to him. What about Shane laying right next to him? Or the crew that's spending the night at a secure hotel? Or his friends and family back home? Is anywhere in the world truly safe? What about--

"Ryan."

The voice startles Ryan so bad that he almost falls off the bed. His inhale sounds like someone slammed a punch into him. It starts off with violent coughing, then fizzles out into a strangled noise. Ryan's chest aches from the shock. 

"Ry, it's me." Drowsiness runs thick in Shane's murmur.

"Sorry, dude-" Ryan whispers between labored breathing. With his back facing Shane, he's precariously on the edge of the bed. Ryan grips tightly at the front of his shirt. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"It's alright. Come over here."

Blinking, Ryan looks over his shoulder. After staring at the darkness for god knows how long, Ryan's sight has adjusted. His eyes vaguely draw out Shane's outline, then fill in the space with some of his features. The hood of his sweater's fallen off. A mess of brown bangs curtain over part of Shane's face. Nobody should look this soft. Not in a bedroom claiming to have high spiritual activity.

"I--" Ryan hesitates. He half turns towards Shane. "Are you sure, dude?"

"Ry. Just c'mere." Syllables melt and blur together. Shane isn't even half-awake. Maybe a quarter-awake at best. "It's totally cool."

After another flicker of hesitation, Ryan rolls over. Fabric rustles as Ryan moves in closer. Already some tension in his chest fades by just being near Shane. When Shane drapes an arm over him, Ryan's eyes widen in silent surprise.

"Is this okay?" Shane whispers quietly.

In awe, Ryan finds the embrace to be comforting. "Mmhm." He pulls the blankets over them both, then burrows into Shane's warmth. "More than okay."

Quiet settles back in. Ryan begins to doze off. Finally, sleep is within reach.

But Ryan's overactive mind strays to the plethora of research he did for this episode. His heart rate picks up again.

"Shane?"

"Mm?"

"What if the ghosts get us?"

"If by chance ghosts existed--" Shane stretches his long limbs, then goes back to holding Ryan. "I still won't let 'em do anything to you. I'll drop kick them into another dimension. They don't stand a chance against us."

 _"Shane--"_ Ryan almost hisses. Brows furrow into a panicked scowl. "What if they hear you? Do you really want to upset them right now-"

Ryan stops when Shane pulls him in closer. This isn't a tentative, loose hold. It's a wholehearted, tight embrace. Ryan's head gets tucked under Shane's chin. After a moment, Ryan works up the courage to circle an arm around the man. His other hand holds onto the front of Shane's shirt. A comforting scent washes over. It soothes the frayed ends of Ryan's nerves.

"You'll be safe." Shane rubs circles on Ryan's back. "Sleep."

The slow circles quell Ryan's heart. There's a soporific effect in the touch of that familiar hand. For the first time in a while, Ryan remembers what it's like to have a peace of mind. While listening to the sound of Shane's breathing, Ryan drifts off. 

* * *

Shane spends the night at Ryan's place.

Ryan spends the night at Shane's place.

They fall asleep together on the sofa with a forgotten film playing. Or curl up in bed with limbs tangled.

The dark circles begin to fade.

* * *

It's one of those investigations where they end up sleeping on the dusty floor of an old, decrepit building. By now, Shane and Ryan are used to throwing sleeping bags on archaic grounds. Shane's ready to knock out once he's lying down. The flight across the country was long. The drive to the filming location was long. It's been one of the rougher Unsolved trips, but the team's holding it together.

And they sure all got a kick out of exploring this abandoned toy factory. It's like walking into the carcass of a massive, metal creature. Shane could've stayed for hours in the room with spare toy parts. Ryan couldn't get out of there faster. Now that the adrenaline high passes, exhaustion creeps in. After closing his eyes, Shane's seconds away from falling asleep.

But he hears Ryan's breathing. Almost inaudible. To anyone else, they may assume Ryan's already asleep. But Shane's been listening to Ryan for years. He knows when Ryan's fighting against fear.

"Ry, get out of the sleeping bag."

"Uhm..." Ryan's voice trails off. His sleeping bag shifts around slightly. "What?" 

Ryan sees Shane already getting out of his sleeping bag. Although confused and bewildered, Ryan follows suit. He watches Shane unzip both sleeping bags until they're completely opened. Shane spreads out his sleeping bag, the exterior side touching the ground. Then he lays Ryan's unzipped sleeping bag over it as a blanket. Shane slides back in. Blinking blearily, Shane holds up the makeshift blanket.

Not wanting to stay exposed to the cold darkness, Ryan quickly joins Shane. There's already a sense of calm just from being closer like this. The excruciating pain in his chest begins to recede.

"Sorry for waking you again," Ryan mumbles into Shane's shoulder. "I swear, I can do this."

Shane stares at ambiguous shapes obscured by darkness. Slowly, the dots connect. "Ryan, I've never thought that you can't do Unsolved. Nobody on the team thinks that."

Something tightens in Ryan's chest. And for once, it's in a good way. "Thanks, Shane," he whispers softly. Ryan moves in closer. "Still-- I'm sorry for keeping you up."

"It's cool, dude." Shane's voice slurs all over the place from fatigue. But there's still lightness in the man's tone. "And I don't blame ya." His chest reverberates with a chuckle. "I'd be frazzled after someone saying my name during the solo investigation."

The heaviness in Ryan's eyes vanishes with a smile. "So, you _do_ admit it was a ghost!"

"It was _the guard._ " Shane sighs quietly. Whether it's from fondness or exasperation, even Shane can't tell anymore. "Nothing's gonna get you here."

"Shane, you taunted the ghosts to reconstruct the Eiffel Tower with your bones."

" _Suggested._ Not taunted." Shane makes a point of clarifying. The man clears his throat, then turns his head. "By the way, if any ghosts are around-- my _suggestion's_ still open! I'm sure y'all can get creative with my organs too!"

"Oh, my god. I can't fucking believe you." Ryan's body shakes with wheezing laughter. The sound mostly muffles against Shane's hoodie. Fingers curl into the soft fabric as Ryan holds on tighter. "Hey, Shane?"

"Yep?"

"How come you don't get scared in these places?"

Quiet falls in the room. It stretches for a moment too long. Ryan wonders if the man fell back asleep. But then Shane shifts subtly. Humming, Shane rubs Ryan's arm to help him relax.

"If by chance anything was to go down-- And I'm really emphasizing _'if'_ -" Shane's voice is barely coherent from sleepiness. "We'll take care of it, dude. I know you've got my back. And like Hell would I let anything happen to you."

Ryan's breath catches in his throat. That low burning ache stirs inside. Ryan assumed Shane would throw out another bantering remark. Not something...sincere. Buried feelings balance dangerously on the tip of Ryan's tongue. So much for butterflies whipping up a hurricane in his stomach. These butterflies are bloody determined to break out of his teeth.

Shane fixes Ryan's hoodie, so he's not cold. He makes sure Ryan's well covered by the blanket. These small, yet kind gestures only make the ache grow. Ryan's not sure when he began falling for Shane. All he knows is there being no end to it. Ryan has stopped fighting it a long time ago. There's no control over falling for someone. But Ryan has a choice in what he does with this love.

Keep it to himself? Or let it out into the open?

A confession threatens to climb its way up Ryan's throat. Ryan swallows the words down. Maybe Ryan's afraid in more ways than he thought.

"Dude, you're still kinda tense." Shane brushes Ryan's dark bangs back. "Do you want me to sing for you?"

"God no."

"How about an operatic rendition of All Star by Smash Mouth?"

_"Shane."_

"Or a ballad version instead?"

When Shane starts clearing his throat, Ryan elbows him. It knocks a laugh out of Shane. Ryan can't help, but join in with his own wheezes. Once the sounds trail off, Ryan's chest feels lighter than before. This time when he closes his eyes, that tremendous weight doesn't press on his chest. Ryan falls asleep to Shane's soft humming.

Eventually, the humming fades into silence. Under the blankets where the cameras can't see, Shane holds onto Ryan's hand. His thumb brushes the back of it. Going from wide strokes to drawing circles. After being so ready to sleep, now Shane just wants to stay awake. Because it means a few more seconds of taking in this moment with Ryan.

It began with a hand reaching in the dark. Then embracing in their sleep. Shane just wants to help Ryan breathe a little easier. Give him a peace of mind. Make him feel safe. Erase the dark circles under his eyes.

When Ryan curls up more against Shane, and even nuzzles into his neck-- that deep sense of yearning aches in Shane's chest. Protectiveness surges inside. He holds Ryan tighter, and closes his eyes.

* * *

After spending couple of days at a conference, they're finally flying back to LA tomorrow. The Try Guys and Worth It are going out for drinks. But Ryan and Shane decide to spend the night in their shared hotel room. Ryan can read Shane well by now. As outgoing as Shane may be, Ryan knows the man can only socialize so much before needing some downtime. Even Shane's bandwidth for social interaction has its limits.

"You sure you don't wanna hang out with everyone?" Shane leans back against pillows propped on the headboard.

"Totally, dude." Ryan flashes a broad smile at Shane. He finishes connecting his laptop to the tv monitor. "We've got this hella comfy bed, and a hundred seasons of Forensic Files." An episode flickers on. Ryan settles on the bed by sitting next to Shane. "And you're like the only person who marathons crime documentaries with me."

"Who else is gonna give running commentary?" Looking over, Shane grins wryly. "And after all the cases we talk about in Unsolved, I think it's good to learn about the ones that _do_ get solved." His gaze returns to the glowing monitor. Excitement sparks in Shane's eyes once seeing a forensics lab. Images of the crime scene follow. The show's narrator explains the process of luminol, and what data can collected from using it. "Also I dig _the science_ behind this series."

Narrowing his eyes, Ryan deadpans the other man. "Got something to say, Madej?"

"Well, Bergara--" Shane says without missing a beat, "Unsolved Supernatural could benefit from some science."

"The EVP."

Shane lets out a single laugh. One great _"Ha!"_ punctuates the air.

"And the dog plush that measures static electricity, so it lets us know if ghosts or demons are around!"

Shane face palms in an attempt to stifle more laughter. The man utterly fails. "I should've specified-" Shane wipes at his damp eyes. " _Real, actual_ science. Fuckin' Hell, man. Ned and Steven would get a kick out of our 'gadgets'--" cue air quotes with a hand, "--if they're ever on an Unsolved trip."

A huffed out stream of air ruffles Ryan's bangs. Ryan folds his arms across his chest. "You're a jackass."

"If believing in real science makes me a jackass, then sure." Shane gives a wide sweep with his arm. "Crown me the King of Jackasses. I'll gladly take that throne."

As episode after episode plays, Ryan goes from sitting against the headboard to leaning against Shane. By the time they move onto watching a horror flick, Ryan rests his head in Shane's lap. Shane perfectly predicts every approaching scare, down to the second, and laughs when it happens. Ryan jumps at any remotely loud noise, or ominous movement onscreen.

"You're like a cat," Shane notes.

Quirking a brow, Ryan turns his head to glance at Shane. "What?"

"You get scared easily." Shane pokes Ryan's side to make him wheeze and squirm. "And you get all soft with things like this." His hand runs through Ryan's hair. It feels softer after being dried from the earlier shower.

Ryan's about to fire back with a retort-- but he gets distracted by how nice Shane's hand feels. There's something soothing about having his hair played with. Slowly, Ryan melts into the touch. He leans more into Shane's hand, nuzzles against his thigh, and curls up comfortably.

"See?" Shane chuckles. Playfully, he tugs on a dark lock. "Total cat."

Ryan's hoodie sleeve bats at Shane. "Don't make me scratch you."

"Like where? My shin? Maybe my knee?" Shane barely gets the words out. He still hasn't even reached the punchline. But once seeing that scowl, Shane can tell Ryan knows where this is going. "Because that's high as you can reach--"

Ryan thwacks Shane with the nearest pillow. There's enough force to make Shane topple over. "How can you say that when you're sitting down?!"

Collapsing onto his back, Shane bursts into a fit of laughter. The unbuttoned red flannel spreads around. Shane holds his stomach aching from laughing so hard. Rolling around on the bed, Shane's slate gray shirt rides up slightly. " _I'm_ not the one that's small-"

Going for a second wave attack, Ryan straddles Shane. Ryan gets one more swing with the pillow. But the fluffy, soft weapon's quickly stolen by Shane. The pillow hurls across the room. Ryan doesn't only lose his grasp on the pillow, but his balance as well. On instinct, Ryan sets his hand by Shane's head to prop himself up. At the same time, Shane holds Ryan's sides to keep him from falling.

Laughter falls quiet. 

The air between them feels electric.

It's not the first time they've touched. Slapping each other on the backs. Playfully nudging with an elbow. An arm slung over the shoulders. These light-hearted touches are nothing new for Ryan and Shane. There's been plenty of physical contact on- and off-camera between them.

But somewhere along the way, more touches weave in. Shane reaching for Ryan's hand in the dark. Leaning closer to Ryan while laying on abandoned grounds. Catching Ryan before he goes too far off the edge.

And tonight, under the dim, amber lights, Ryan reaches for Shane. His fingertips touch the side of Shane's face. They brush over the subtle hollow at his temple, then thread through brown hair. Strands shimmer gold where the light hits. Holding his silence, Shane watches Ryan. The deep umber gaze reveals raw vulnerability. An undercurrent of fear ripples in the man's eyes. But there's also a flicker of hope. Ryan leans in closer until their foreheads almost touch.

In a whisper, Ryan asks, "Can I?"

Shane draws in a measured breath. "Only if you're sure."

Slowly, the corners of Ryan's mouth pull upwards. "Never been more sure about anything."

Shane sees the smile he's followed for years. It calls upon his own smile to surface. Ryan closes the space between them. Lips touch. The kiss runs soft and slow. It deepens as seconds pass into moments. Ryan curls his fingers in Shane's hair, and silently marvels at how silken the locks feel. Shane secures his arm around Ryan, bringing him closer until their bodies are flush. They feel the beating of elated hearts through touching ribcages.

As they kiss, the tectonic plates between them shift, and fall into place. It feels natural as Ryan seeking out Shane's hand, and clasping them together. The yearning they've carried for years burns stronger. Its light cuts through the dark like flashlights in an underground labyrinth. When the kiss breaks, they're left breathless, golden, and alive.

Even with their lungs still aching for air, laughter escapes freely. The warm sound brightens the atmosphere around them. Neither of them ask why it's taken so long. It was all worthwhile-- the gentle touches, silent kindness and secret smiles leading up to this moment. Ryan presses a light kiss to the pulse in Shane's neck. With chuckles rumbling inside his chest, Shane exhales Ryan's name. Ryan follows after the sound until their lips meet again.

* * *

At the noise of peculiar creaking, Shane opens his eyes. The browns quickly blink away any traces of drowsiness. He's become a light sleeper over the course of Unsolved. But Shane's not sleeping in any dilapidated, rickety building tonight. He's in Ryan's home. Shane's grown well-acquainted with the place to know when it's pipes in the walls randomly rattling, or people wandering outside during god forsaken hours.

But the ongoing, sporadic creaking isn't the norm. Same goes for the indistinguishable shuffling.

Careful not to wake Ryan, Shane slips out of bed. He pulls on jeans from the ground, and slides on the flannel thrown over a dresser. The man doesn't bother with closing any buttons. With phone in one hand, and badminton racquet in the other, Shane heads out of the room. The phone's flashlight shines a white path. As Shane walks down the shadowy hallway, the odd sounds grow louder. Voices. Yep. There are definitely voices. And something like stifled swears. Maybe even some giggling.

"Oh, my god." Standing at the edge of the living room, Shane lowers the racquet. "What the fuck are y'all doing?"

The phone light lands on The Try Guys. Their stunned bewilderment mirrors Shane's expression. 

" _Shane?_ What're _you_ doing here?" Zach pulls off the night-vision goggles. "Wait--" Brow quirking, he looks around. "Isn't this _Ryan's_ place?"

"Pretty sure this is Ryan's place," Ned adds with a nod. He gestures at the empty space in the living room. "We hung out here like a week ago to play D&D."

"Andrew said Shane texted Ryan's address in the group chat a while back," Keith reports with a hand touching his ear. There's a glimpse of a wireless earbud. "Yep. Steven just confirmed this is the place."

Suddenly, Eugene collapses on the ground. He pulls off the night-vision goggles, and buries his face into his hands. Eugene falls apart into shaking mess of muffled laughter. Startled, Zach kneels down by his partner.

"Gene?!" Zach exclaims in a hushed voice. "Babe, what're you..." The question trails off when Eugene waves at Shane's general direction. Zach takes a good look at Shane. "Oh, my god." Finally, Zach sees the faint red lines scattered across Shane's torso, and scarlet marks climbing up his neck. _"Oh, my fucking god-"_ Once the epiphany hits, Zach joins Eugene in hysterics. He lays half on top of Eugene, body shaking with laughter.

After half of the Try Guys make the connection, Ned and Keith aren't too far behind. Keith falls into the nearest chair. He pulls the hood of his sweater over his head, and tugs tightly on the drawstrings to shut out his face. Ned leans back against the wall, and holds the back of his hand against a mad grin. All of them are absolutely abysmal at staying quiet.

While in the middle of buttoning his shirt, Shane looks down at himself. "Damn." There's nothing discreet about the mess of marks. Shane might as well have been mauled. It doesn't take a genius to see what picture the jigsaw pieces compose. As Shane refrains from facepalming, he hears the bedroom door open. Shuffling footsteps grow louder.

"Shane--" Ryan calls out groggily. Still half-asleep, Ryan stumbles into the living room. A hand absentmindedly runs through his catastrophic dark hair. Ryan wears an overlarge, black 2001: A Space Odyssey t-shirt that can only properly fit Shane. The collar dips low, so there's no hiding the scarlet marks on Ryan's clavicle, shoulder, and throat. "Why'd you take the badminton racquet? What-"

Ryan stares at their sudden guests. His hand remains frozen in midair. A few strands catch between his fingers. Ryan does a double take to make sure that The Try Guys are actually here. They're all struggling to breathe from laughing so hard. Ned slides down the wall, and screams into his hands. Keith falls out of the chair, and holds the wireless earbud a few inches away. Steven and Andrew's ecstatic shouts over the call crackle like static dust.

Part of Ryan wonders if this is a bizarre fever dream. It's a little tame compared to past dreams, but still weird. "What's going on...?"

Shane rests a hand on Ryan's waist. He smiles fondly against the soft, wild mess of dark hair. "Remember that time we said you'll watch Blair Witch?"

While fixing Shane's mismatched buttons, the memory slowly returns to Ryan. "Aw-- _Hell no._ " His hands fall quickly as his expression. "Fuck y'all!" Ryan hisses at the group of conspirators, including his accomplice boyfriend. "I'm not watching that movie. Especially not when we gotta film Unsolved in the woods soon. We're even camping overnight!"

"Sounds like perfect timing." Shane lifts Ryan with ease, and throws the man over his shoulder. With a delighted grin, Shane winks at their friends. "Where's the getaway car at?"

"You fucking jackass!" Ryan's eyes narrow into a fierce glare. He's never been more jolted awake. "I swear, Madej, don't you fucking dare--"

They manage to get Ryan into the van without waking the neighbors. Andrew's at the wheel, and Steven's in the front passenger seat. Their clasped hands rest over the center console.

"Congrats." In the rearview mirror, Andrew's eyes warm with a smile.

Steven beams brightly over his shoulder. "So happy for you!"

"Thanks, guys." Leaning back in his seat, Shane chuckles.

"Guess that courting paid off, huh, Bergara?" Eugene tousles Ryan's train wreck hair. 

Too flustered, Ryan can't even deliver a comeback. All their friends playfully tease while Ryan blushes to the nines. Shane laughs good-naturedly. Easy, light-hearted conversation fills the car.

When Shane's hand slides into his, Ryan almost starts drifting off again. Ryan rests his head on the man's shoulder. Laughter and chatter surround them. Beyond the windows, street lamps blur into golden ochre streaks. Candy-colored hues of magenta, emerald and cyan paint over from neon signs. Even during this late hour, Los Angeles is alive and thriving. Ryan nuzzles into Shane's neck. His chest swells as Shane kisses the top of his head.

"I'll wake you once we're there." Shane's whisper brushes the curve of Ryan's ear. "You'll be screaming hoarse during the movie. Or maybe movie _s--_ like with a plural 's' if we watch all of them."

"Fuck you." But there's no bite to Ryan's voice. He can't fight the emerging smile. Burying his face into Shane's shoulder, Ryan murmurs softly, "I love you."

The whispered secret almost drowns out when a burned CD plays the unmistakable intro of a Fall Out Boy track. Unanimous screams erupt in the vehicle. The raucous voices climb decibels until the entire city can hear them. _("Brothers and sisters put this record down, take my advice, 'CAUSE WE ARE BAD NEWS!")_ A peal of laughter rolls overhead. The joy is boundless. Alternating waves of murky shadows and brilliant lights wash over. Shane lifts his boyfriend's hand, and kisses the back of it. With a smile in his voice, Shane leans closer to Ryan.

"Love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope everyone is staying safe out there ♡
> 
> To everyone who voted, supported with the elections, cheering us on from around the world-- thank you so much 💙💙💙 And my god-- Watcher / BFU / TTG / WI keep raising the bar when using their platform for good. They've been highly vocal through videos, podcasts, social media, etc. These teams go the whole fucking nine yards, and then some. It means a lot to see them fighting so hard for human rights. They inspire me to do better, be better. And I see the fans fighting just as hard. I'm so proud of all of you.
> 
> Once again, thanks for reading! Comments, kudos, and all that good stuff always make my day :) ♡♡ Remember to take care of yourselves ♡♡
> 
> REFERENCES / INSPIRATION:  
> \-- Fic title: ['On The Edge Of All This' - Snow Patrol & The Saturday Songwriters](https://youtu.be/-nhZw50fTrs)  
> \-- ['Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued' - Fall Out Boy](https://youtu.be/3uOGQhGd0M8)
> 
> [ Disclaimer: This is 100% a work of fiction. No association with the real Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej, Andrew Ilnyckyj, Steven Lim, Eugene Lee Yang, Zach Kornfeld, Ned Fulmer, Keith Habersberger, and any other mentioned RPF individuals. ]


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